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A Stinging List of Actions to Commit as an Unwelcome Overnight Visitor in Another's Residence

Mistakes to steer clear of when lodging with a friend or relative, as advised by etiquette specialists.

Unacceptable Actions to Perform as an Overnight Visitor in Someone's Residence
Unacceptable Actions to Perform as an Overnight Visitor in Someone's Residence

A Stinging List of Actions to Commit as an Unwelcome Overnight Visitor in Another's Residence

When staying as an overnight guest at a friend or family member's home, it's important to show respect and consideration. Here are some common faux pas to avoid:

  • Overstaying your welcome is a no-no. Aim to keep visits to no more than three nights.
  • Using your host's personal items like their computer or car without permission is a breach of trust.
  • Staying out all night or asking to bring pets without prior agreement can disrupt the host's routine.
  • Borrowing or inviting others without the host's consent can put them in an uncomfortable position.

In addition, there are other important etiquette points to remember:

  • Clean up after yourself, especially in shared spaces like the bathroom. Wiping down the tub and removing hair can make a big difference.
  • Respect your host's house rules and routines. If there are specific rules about when to take off shoes, bedtimes, or pet restrictions, ask about them beforehand.
  • Avoid expecting your host to entertain you constantly. Find ways to keep yourself busy independently.
  • Be mindful of your resource use. Don't use more than your fair share of hot water, electricity, or other resources.
  • Before leaving, confirm that you have all your personal belongings.

To be a gracious guest, it's also recommended to:

  • Bring your own toiletries.
  • Help out in the kitchen or household if offered.
  • Contribute to groceries for longer stays.
  • Thank your host with a note or a gift after your visit.
  • Pack light and keep your sleeping area tidy.

Some additional tips include:

  • Strip the bed when leaving and leave the host's linens folded neatly near the door or in the laundry room.
  • Arrive with gifts for your host, such as flowers, wine, chocolates, homemade treats, decorative hand towels, or items from your hometown.
  • Lending a hand is considered polite and can help ensure an invitation for future visits.
  • Diane Gottsman advises picking up wet towels, not putting a glass on the nightstand without a coaster, and being respectful of electricity and water consumption.
  • Jodi R.R. Smith suggests taking the host out for a meal at least once during the stay.
  • Use the 'magic three' phrases often: 'Please,' 'thank you,' and 'excuse me.'
  • Prior to your arrival, speak with your host to make sure your visit is a welcome one and agree upon arrival and departure dates.
  • Ask for permission if you need or wish to use something belonging to your host.
  • Give your host some alone time during the day by retiring to your room, reading a book, taking a long walk, or seeing the sights.
  • Refrain from snooping and rooting through other people's belongings.
  • Ask if there is anything you need to bring, as not every home stocks enough linens, towels, and pillows for visitors.
  • Diane Gottsman advises not expecting use of your host's car during your visit; instead, rent a car or use Uber.
  • Send a written thank-you note to the host once you have returned home.
  • Diane Gottsman states that interfering with parenting is inappropriate as a guest, and one should respect the host's time, property, and family rules.
  • Diane Gottsman advises not taking photos of personal property, the home, or other guests without permission.
  • Diane Gottsman suggests making yourself useful by helping around the house, such as loading the dishwasher, tidying rooms, or making dinner.
  • Diane Gottsman, an etiquette expert, suggests packing light when visiting someone's home and treating the guest room as one would their own.
  • If you spill something on the carpet or furniture, let the host know immediately.

By prioritizing respect for your host's space, rules, and routines, maintaining cleanliness, being considerate about time and resource use, and communicating openly, you can avoid common guest faux pas and ensure a pleasant stay for both you and your host.

  1. When staying with friends or family, consider bringing small gifts as tokens of appreciation, such as flowers, wine, chocolates, homemade treats, decorative hand towels, or items from your hometown to show thankfulness for their home and lifestyle.
  2. While traveling, remember to respect your host's house rules and routines, whether it's taking off shoes, specific bedtimes, or pet restrictions. Also, consider adopting a mindful attitude toward resource use, like limiting your electricity or water consumption.
  3. Maintain a well-organized and tidy lifestyle during your visit, ensuring that you clean up after yourself in shared spaces, pack light, strip the bed before leaving, and avoid snooping or rooting through other people's belongings, especially in the fashion-and-beauty or home-and-garden category.

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